ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The world’s most polite and kind soccer fans have been asked by the rest of the world to please show the same attention to cleanliness to the FIFA board as they do to stadiums all over the world.

Japanese soccer fans are famous for staying around after the game and cleaning up the stadium, even when they’re not playing as seen in the World Cup’s opening fixture between host nation Qatar and Ecuador.

Many European countries are now calling on the polite and thoughtful Japanese soccer fans to take on the task of cleaning out FIFA like it’s a stadium full of rubbish.

A Frenchman spoke very candidly to The Advocate’s World Cup correspondent about what he thinks regarding the situation.

“They should clean out FIFA, perhaps with some swords,” he said.

“Perhaps even the French could be of some help. We could guillotine Sepp Blatter? Or maybe our Japanese friends could put him to the sword. Actually, perhaps the French could just assemble a group of fighters and take on the office building? We have a history of just going into palaces and things of that ilk and simply killing everyone who has wronged us,”

“Whatever happens, we cannot let the Dutch get them. They will put them in prison, after a lengthy and expensive trial. Very un-European if you ask me. They are northern, which is different to me. Maybe if we let the Italians sort it out, some might get shot and some might end up in jail. Italians are extremely unpredictable and prone to rash decisions. Well, we could perhaps let the Spanish have a go but they will, in my experience, do a half-arsed job and probably only cripple them, which is not good. When I was a teenager, I was flogged by the Guardia Civil to within an inch of my life for being foolish in public. That’s not justice,”

“The English would probably hire them to run some government agency at this rate. The Germans would secretly think what FIFA is doing is incredibly hot and be turned on by it. The Poles would ask what Christ would do, then probably drag the FIFA board behind a horse until they died. The list goes on,”

“So in conclusion, it’s really a job for the French and the Japanese.”

The Advocate reached out to FIFA for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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