ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Shadow Veterans Affairs Minister Barnaby Joyce has told reporters in Canberra this morning that shipping containers have been seen floating down the Mitchell Highway “for millennia” and that recent scenes in the NSW town of Molong have been seen before.

This week in the New South Wales Central West, repeated deluges from above have brought about widescale flooding on a scale that defies living memory. There haven’t been floods this bad in that part of the country in recorded history.

Which is something that Mr Joyce was quick to point out to one reporter who had the hide to suggest anything otherwise.

“You weren’t around a thousand years ago, how do you know there wasn’t a bigger flood back then?” said Mr Joyce.

“Actually, we might’ve even had these floods 300 years ago. Look at the floods in Nyngan in 1990. Look at the floods in Curlwaa and Wentworth in 1956. How are they different to what’s happening now?”

The reporter said the scale and Mr Joyce laughed.

“Oh well, the good guys are in power now, right? It’s over, the good guys won! We’re saved! We can call go back to university and bash our tambourines, shake our ass at the Whitebull at night! We can perform autofellatio at the on stage Footbridge Theatre in front of Glebe AND fucking ANNANDALE’s finest and get a standing ovation!”

“We can vote for Teals who look at me with contempt for the crime of being a red-faced old white man in Parliament but vote down on worker’s rights. Socially liberal but economically conservative? Is there anything worse? Pick and side and fight, how hard is it?”

Our reporter reminded Mr Joyce that he was straying a bit far from the question.

“Which was what? Oh, that’s right. The shipping containers. Here, take this packet of Mentos and shove it up your arse. The drought is over and Labor is in power. One kiss on the neck from Paul Keating and you reporters will achieve nirvana!”

Mr Joyce’s media advisor then concluded the press conference on his behalf.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here