EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

As she walks down the street practically bear hugging her shopping bag, local woman Brooke Leatham comes to the controversial conclusion that she might not actually give two fucks about wildlife. 

‘Especially’, she thinks, ‘those fucking turtles.’

Living in the Betoota CBD, Brooke usually has no other option but to opt for one of the brown paper bags, as the practical green ones have usually been ransacked. and although carrying them makes her temporarily imagine herself as the romantic heroine in a cute Parisian movie, her walk home often sees her keeping one ear out for the telltale sound of paper ripping apart.

“Look I’m a piece of shit, that’s fine”, says Brooke, “I never remember to bring my own bag.”

“I want to be a better person, I really do.”

“But fuck me, paper bags, paper straws… paper coffee lids.”

“They’re terrible.”

“No wonder I binge drink.”

“I’m just trying to beat the straw from disintegrating.” 

“I’m all for protecting the environment, but not if it means I’m slightly inconvenienced.”

More to come.


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