ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Reserve Bank cash daddy Philip Lowe has locked his office door this morning and put a sock over the smoke detector because today is the beginning of the end of the Australian Dream, as some pundits are saying.

In addition to smoking inside his Martin Place Office, the Reserve Bank Governor is also blearing Guns N Roses classic ‘Welcome To The Jungle’ at an obnoxious level.

Shortly before speaking to The Advocate via telephone, Lowe allegedly threw a stapler at his executive assistant after he gained entry to the office.

“This is it, boys,” yelled Lowe over the ripping Slash guitar solo.

“You’re about to experience your first rate rise in 11 years! Woooooooo! The Prime Minister will never forgive me and guess what, motherfuckers, I don’t give a fuck!”

The news comes as Prime Minister Scott Morrison looks to defect today’s mammoth rate rise away from his government and hopes to put the blame on external pressures like the warm in Ukraine and women who don’t show him much respect.

Speaking in Sydney today, Morrison explained how this latest fiscal meltdown was not his fault or problem.

“This was an unavoidable rate rise,” he said.

“But it’s more of a state issue. Much like the ongoing war in Europe, it’s placing undue stress on our global, and state, supply chains which have resulted in this unbridled, uh, I mean bridled inflation that we’ve seen. So clearly, this would’ve happened no matter who was the Prime Minister, so you can’t blame me for that.”

When asked by a reporter if he’d spoke to Governor Lowe about the rate increase, Morrison said he had not.

“When we are able to reach Mr Lowe, as he’s very busy this morning, I will speak to him. I understand he managed to hit a junior stockbroker from Bell Potter in the head with his size nine Hush Puppy that he threw from his 16th-floor office this morning. Quite an arm on the fellow, hey? [explosive laughter] Yes we will find time to chat.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here