ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A forgotten victim in today’s political games has already checked out mentally, he tells The Advocate, and has turned his mind to something infinitely more enjoyable.

Barnaby Joyce is having to sit through Labor’s censure motion against his old propellor head of a boss, Scott Morrison, which he said is “very boring” and “unnecessary”.

“I just want this year to be over, quite frankly. I think a lot of people do,” said the Member for New England.

“We politicians have been in the media too much. People are sick of us. I’m sick of picking up and newspaper and seeing Scott’s face. I’m sick of listening to the nasal moan of Anthony Albanese’s voice. I’ve already checked out mentally. This censure motion is so boring. Trust me, I’ve had to sit through some boring shit in this place but this just takes the cake,”

“In my mind, I’m already in the smoking section of the Pacific Hotel in Yamba. I have an ice-cold schooner of Tooheys New in front of me. The sun on my shoulders. My fellow graziers giving me a polite nod as they recognise me. Honestly, daydreaming about this kind of thing gives me life,”

“Drilling six schooners after lunch then wandering over to the Chinese down the road. Is there anything better? I would get the special fried rice, the beef and black bean. Soak the dimmies in that red nuclear sauce. God. Honestly, it’s a pleasure in life that lefties just never get to enjoy. Eating a bowl of prawns for breakfast in the sun. No shirt. Getting smashed by some shories and blasted across the rocks like a dead seal. Playing a round of golf and taking divots bigger than Pharlap’s cock – and not replacing them. Tell me a better time,”

“That’s where I am right now, in my mind.”

More to come.


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