I have a deal with The Betoota Advocate to write one article a month about my musings, insights and witticisms on the tangy wombat stew we call the modern Australian culture. 

Due to my witness statements about how the chairman’s wife did indeed fall out of the helicopter as an accident, I have this longstanding deal with the old and proud newspaper to spew forth my fountain of adoration for our national spirit for our society that punches above its weight 30 times before brekky.

At least I would if I did not live in a permanent state of outrage because drag queens actually look like sheilas now!

With World Pride taking place in the southern soy plantation now known as Sydney, drag queens are showing in numbers unseen since my tv malfunctioned in the ‘80s and for a brief moment there were two Dame Edna’s on my screen.

Call me old fashioned, but men dressing up as women should only happen because we’re in the Globe Theatre and women are forbidden from acting. Seriously go ahead, call me old fashioned. Do it and if you’re one of my kids reading this, call me and tell me I’m old fashioned or just call me in general really, it’s been a while.

Am I the only one who remembers when discrimination was OK? I mean, obviously I’m not because people keep paying me to write this stuff but that doesn’t mean I have to see a man in a dress! “Oh, but dad, not all of them are men, some are women or gender neutral!” Well tell me this then Jeneane; why haven’t you picked the phone up to your old man since I paid for that TAFE course?

Apart from my various board meetings, gentlemen’s clubs and societies I am bound by blood to never speak of, there just aren’t a lot of spaces for conservative old men like myself. There are even fewer public spaces that my adult children will be seen with me, due to the fact I scoff loudly whenever I see a pride flag or a vegan menu option in their suburb that was quite frankly better when it was a paddock, albeit with less sheep back then.

As I have taken away your time, if you take anything away from this think piece make sure it’s this; drag queens are just as bad and if you see any of my kids tell them to call me as I’m almost sorry.



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