ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man has joined the tens of thousands of other people from our fabled inland port city in leaving town for the long weekend, causing an enormous, unavoidable traffic jam on the Windorah Road.

On Easter Monday, David Davidson of Betoota Heights told his then-girlfriend that he wouldn’t be traveling on a long weekend again after they got stuck in traffic for three hours coming home from Lake Betoota.

The 35-year-old is leaving town tonight again. This time, he’s doing it alone.

David’s girlfriend dumped him two weeks ago for unspecified reasons that were allegedly beyond his control. So rather than sit at home all weekend trying to make everything about him and his current period of spiritual suffering, he’s heading to Mount Remienko to play golf all weekend with his mates from university he hasn’t seen much of recently.

He’s holding out hope that catching up with old mates will help him feel better.

David spoke briefly to The Advocate in the breakdown lane near the Betoota Bypass. Our reporter had pulled over to empty their piss bottle and David was doing a poo on the ground behind the safety barrier.

“If the group chat leading up to this is anything to go by, Tuesday next week will be a hard day, indeed. I just need to remember it’s not me, it’s cocaine washout syndrome. It’s a chemical imbalance in my head. That’s what I need to remember,” he said.

“We just can’t get too excited on the first night. But fuck this traffic, man. Google Maps has me getting in at 10 pm. They’ll either be tucked up in bed watching the new Godzilla or they’d be jumping off the walls with ripped saddy bags jammed under their gums.”

David groaned a little bit, then sighed.

“I don’t suppose you have any TP in your car, mate?” he said. Our reporter shook their head.

“Oh well,” he said as he ripped one of the breast pockets off his blue gingham Charles Tyrwhitt business shirt.

Our reporter watched him wipe himself before offering his hand to help him back over the barrier.

More to come.


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