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Fresh from trolley polling some boys from the next town up the coast, a group of mates have rolled back into their small beach community which they each openly refer to as ‘God’s Country’ – a term used loosely by locals to show their affinity with their part of the world.

Taking time out of his busy summer schedule of running over tourists in the surf and feeding half is paycheque through Queen of the Nile, Ben Guron (left from the right) explained to The Advocate that if God was real and lived on earth, he’d live right here in his neighbourhood.

“Me and God would be mates,” he said. “I’d give the cunt all the inside tips on the trots he could handle and in return, he’d keep me safe from Terrorists and all that shit.”

“Fuck it’s grouse down here. Fuck living anywhere else, I tell you.”

Echoing the sentiments of his primary school buddy and road-working colleague, Lewis Cheeky-Cone said that if you don’t reckon their hometown is God’s Country, then you’re going to get glassed.

“I know all the ambos in town,” said Lewis. “If I tell ’em you’ve been slagging off the joint by saying shit like, ‘God wouldn’t live in this shitnest,’ or something like that, they’ll take you the long way up the coast to hospital.”

After concluding the interview in the smoking area of their local, the boys invited one of our reporters to the carpark, where they planned to smoke ice while they sat in the tray of a chrome-rimmed Toyota ‘Low-Lux’.

He did not enjoy it.

More to come.


  1. Dear Sirs,

    As a Western Australian, over the course of an adventurous outback lifetime I have been associated with many droving and expeditionary parties where the reading of prayers and devout Biblical study has been recorded with a straight face in our leader’s official diary of events as being the activity we performed on every Sabbath, and hence I know well from much alleged scripture perusal that God does his best work with GST thieves, liars, sodomisers, the unclean, the wretched, and the insane.

    It comes most definitely as no surprise to learn here that he is currently operating out of a rented weatherboard cottage somewhere on the eastern seaboard.

    He came to Perth once, but couldn’t find enough to keep himself occupied.


    Ron Muppet


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