ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton is dumbfounded as to how a proposed defence pact between China and the Solomon Islands came to be despite being the person the nation pays to know these things.

This utter failure in foreign policy and defence rests on the shoulders of Peter Dutton, who is the current Minister for Defence, because, for the past few terms of government, it’s been him responsible for those departments.

Speaking to the media today in Canberra, Mr Dutton said he thought the Solomon Islands were on our side because we have sent Federal Police over there to make sure everything is OK.

However, he refuses to concede that he or anyone in his government is responsible for this incompetence.

“I still have no idea how this could’ve happened,” he said.

As he thought, his loud breathing could be heard down the telephone line.

“It’s like it came out of nowhere. I can’t believe China was able to sneak up on us like that. I can’t believe that the Solomon Islands would betray us like that. We have given them so much over the years.”

When asked what that was, Mr Dutton continued breathing at an anti-social volume.

“Well, we have given them security. We have sent p’lice over there when they rioted. Well, maybe when they riot against this bloke who’s in charge now, maybe we might join them? Put in our own leader. We could parachute George Christensen in to be Prime Minister?”

“But back to what I was saying. It’s just disgraceful that China has taken our trust and flipped it back on us. Plus, I take umbridge [sic] at your question about me being grossly under-qualified to be in the job. Yes, I’ve never been in the army but I’ve had dreams where I was. I might not have any public policy experience but I was a p’liceman, so I know about dealing with people,”

“It’s easy for lefties like you to just take potshots from the sideline. You don’t actually do anything.”

Mr Dutton then placed the phone down.

More to come.


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