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A local grazier has told The Advocate that times are tougher than what they seem out on the farm at the moment.

David Clarke, of “Eurama Downs” via Windorah, told our reporter that the operating lease of his 2020 Toyota Landrcruiser GXL expired at the start of this year and due to a myriad of issues relating to cash flow, succession and asset management, his accountant advised him that he should be looking at some Landcruiser alternatives for the next few seasons.

“To be honest, I thought he meant a Hilux,” said the 59-year-old mixed enterprise operator.

“But he rocked back in his chair and pursed his lips. He sat silently for a while and said, ‘Mate, the Chinese make a decent motorcar these days. You should have a look at those Great Walls or whatever they call themselves now,’ and I just laughed and said what else did he suggest? That I buy something used? Absolutely not,”

“I’m selling lambs for a couple bucks a head and the supermarket bastards are making you, the wage earning simpleton in the city, pay out the arse for your chops when they should be costing you fuck all. They’re cunts, they are.”

“So he pulled up a few [alternative Landcruisers] on his computer and told me that these bloody Mahindras, or Calcutta Cruisers as he called them, were actually quite good in that they’re made in India. I once knew a bloke called Max who did some sheering contracting for me, he had a bloody Tata or whatever it was. It was Indian,”

“So I went down to the dealership in Betoota Heights, wearing a disguise obviously, and picked up a brand new Mahindra Pik-Up in dog dick red. I’ve had two weeks. You know, it’s got four drum brakes that are the size of a shoe polish tin so towing a full spraying rig or a horse float is a bit interesting. You’ve got to drive it like a Kenworth with a full load. Using the brakes fully loaded going down a hill just converts brakepad into this horrible howl. I had a round bale of lucerne on the back and trailer full of firewood behind me the other day and it honestly sounded like I was being swooped by an Avro Vulcan bomber the howl was so loud. Go look that up on your YouTube. It’s no joke,”

“But yeah, look, mate. It plays my Van Morrison CDs, it blows cool air on a hot day. The engine’s a bit, you know, breathless and lazy and you need to really stand on the cunt to get it to sing for you. Doors are thinner than a Frenchman’s skin. The horn sounds like it came off a leftie’s pushbike. Rattles like an empty wheelie bin. But it was less than forty grand so there’s that.”

More to come.


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