ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Iconic vacuum cleaner retailer Godreys has entered administration today after many years of running on the smell of a dusty rug, leaving 193 people without a job.

Over 50 retail stores will close, bringing an end one of the great Australian dreams of opening your own niche chain of stores and watching it slowly die before your eyes.

The end of Godfreys has one local 35-year-old wondering if his stupid fucking bagless Dyson cunnavathing has what it takes to suck a bowling ball off the carpet like many of the vacuums sold by Godfreys could.

French Quarter local Jason Peitersen told The Advocate he forgot all about Godfreys until this morning when he heard on the radio that it’d gone ‘arse up’.

“Yeah, nah, I remember the ads with the bowling ball. Simpler times, hey? Back when a vacuum was a vacuum. You know, when they came with a bag you had to either chuck out or whack against the fence out the back until it was empty. I guess that depended on which side of the tracks you grew up on. I was a bag chucker, personally. My parents grew up whackers and didn’t want their kids to suffer the same fate, getting a face full of dust mites and asbestos,” he explained in detail.

“These days, you’ve got these fucking bagless cunnavathings that don’t fucking suck when they’re half full of shit, which is not what it says on the fucking box, either. You need to empty them with a fork. You need to have a designated Dyson fork in your draw. People tell me the whole thing comes off but fuck me, I’ve fucken near ripped the cunnavathing in half trying to do that so I’m a forkman when it comes to emptying the fucking Dyson,”

“I reckon this gutless fucken thing couldn’t even suck a cricket ball off a couch, let alone a bowling ball. Maybe it could? Who knows and more importantly, who gives a fuck? Not me.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here