ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An ordinary day on the tools has turned sour for one West Betootanese carpenter after an innocent lunchtime party pie left him with first-degree burns to the roof of his mouth.

Hired to construct a cubby house for a local banker’s child, local chippy Henry Washbrook and his two offsiders had lunch prepared by the banker’s wife – which included some party pies, which are considered a local delicacy.

“She should’ve said something, bloody hell,” said the 28-year-old.

“Mate, she just plonked them down in front of us and I just hoed into them like a gotdam fool. Now I can feel the top layer of skin flopping around in my mouth like a wet bedsheet.”

Reporting a similar experience, Henry’s offsider Mack Mulholland said he also burned himself with the molten mince.

He explained to The Advocate the advocate that the fear that his fiance’s beef stroganoff is ‘just going to taste like blood’ is very real and a realistic expectation after this afternoon’s events.

“It was hotter than a caravan full of naked birds,” he said. “We all got pretty fucked up by them. I might even sue. Me [sic] tongue looks like Niki fucking Lauda, mate. It’s fucking fucked.”

More to come.



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