In a sentence that still feels weird to type even after a good couple of fact checks, last month marked 10 years until Brisbane will host the Summer Olympics.

Although not much is known about the upcoming games, Fortitude Valley cab rank has been confirmed as venue for the judo, Powderfinger are confirmed for the opening ceremony, and burnout gender reveals may also be added for a home city advantage.

However, after making a Bee Gees and Violent Soho heavy playlist to get everyone pumped, Brisbane is ultimately unsure what the fuck they’ll actually do for the next ten years.

“Hmmm, I guess we should tidy up a bit,” suggested one resident.

“I’d suggest maybe getting rid of the cane toads but I don’t know if we have enough golf clubs or freezers for that.”

“Plus, I’d put any money on a cane toad being made a mascot of the games. I mean what else would it be? A house with a veranda that goes around all the way?”

“What to do, what to do?”

Other suggestions include filtering the Brissy river so it looks like it does in real estate photos or getting some real estate agents to convince planners their proposed stadiums are not in the flood path and that there is no need to check it for themselves.


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