ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A construction project manager from our town’s sprawling Heights district has added to his mortgage stress today by financing a brand-new Volkswagen Amarok.

That stress, on top of owning a shiny new Reich Ranger, will create new and unusual ways for Darcy Cartwright to be anti-social to people on the road – and off the road.

The 34-year-old explained to The Advocate that he “just wanted a new ute” because his 2006 Toyota Hilux “didn’t have Apple CarPlay,” and he needs it now because he’s into his podcasts.

“I got offered a really good deal by the good people at Volkswagen, so yeah, I just said, ‘Fuck it,’ and signed my life away,” he said.

“No deposit, either, like those CUNTS at Toyota wanted to secure an order. They also reckon I’d have to wait a year for a new one. How does get fucked sound? But yeah, I just like the Amarok, hey.”

When asked what the sweet deal was, the angry young man said he didn’t put down a deposit and is using a “loan device” that both lowers the weekly repayments and makes sure the loan goes long enough to extend to the end of the warranty period.

“So, no deposit but the bloke said he’d let me try this new loan device called a ‘balloon payment’ that actually makes the repayments less without actually making it so you’re getting fucked,” he said.

“Plus, he reckons going with the banks to get a secured car loan is actually a trap, so we did a FlexiTime loan where the loan isn’t actually secured to the vehicle, which means I can unlock more savings like locking in a 14.05% interest rate for the life of the loan. That means I won’t be surprised later on when interest rates go up again.”

Darcy then started laughing and shook his head recalling what the salesman did after that.

“I make a crack about Great Wall utes being for electricians, get it, because electricians are all gay, and the salesman laughed,” said Darcy.

“Then, he went into the contract room, as he called it, and pointed me out to the other salesmen, and then they all laughed. Fuck, so good when that happens. Feels so good.”

“When I was leaving in the ute just then, one of the other salesmen was pissing himself at me. He said, ‘Have a good one, mate. Watch out for those interest rate hikes!’ and waved goodbye. Fuck, you just don’t get that at Toyota or even Ford, do you?”

The Advocate reached out to the ACCC on behalf of Darcy but has yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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