ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Critics of federal Labor’s policy-light election pitch have been largely silenced today after the Opposition announced a new landmark policy today in Canberra.

Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese detailed a new policy of letting the government routinely shit the bed and then blame the dog.

All the while, Labor just stands to offer an alternative to the ritualistic manner in which this government stumbles from one catastrophic policy failure to another then proceed to shift the blame for such failures onto the private sector or the wilder Australian public.

“Under a Labor Government, we will offer new and fresh ways to let you all down. What we will not do, is blame the dog when we shit the bed. We will own it. Scott Morrison never takes responsibility for the shit in the bed. It is always the dog’s shit,” said Mr Albanese today in Sydney.

“But the key difference will be accountability. Labor governments apologise and Coalition Governments blame other people. Unless it was the pink batts business, that was a line ball in our book. Plus we also kicked off the cycle of deposing leaders midway through a term. That was actually quite damaging to our democracy,”

“Uh, I’m not sure if we apologised to Northern Australia cattle producers. We probably should if we haven’t. That live export ban did a lot of damage and we let the ABC lead us down a pretty dark road there,”

“Anyway, that was all in the past. We’re looking ahead in this government, to the next Scott Morrison bedshit. Of which there will be many before the election. We will react to them by simply being the alternative.”

The Morrison Government said they are not in the business of engaging in gutter politics when contacted by The Advocate.

More to come.


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