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After nearly 9 weeks in social isolation, local Betoota Ponds grandfather Pete Wersche (79) has today pointed out that this pandemic isn’t like nuthin he’s ever seen before.

During a phone call with one of his 25 granddaughters today, the retired Roman Catholic says nah what they are saying is right.

“Never seen nuthin like this” he says.

“I can remember when they asked us to stop going to church because the priest was wanted for something, but the local cop ended up shooting him after a couple weeks”

“I just can’t remember a time when we weren’t allowed to go to bowls”

“What’s that word they keep using”

“Unprecedented”

“That’s what this is”

By first pointing out that he was never too worried about HIV because he didn’t really associate his lifestyle with stereotypes mostly linked to it, Pop says this is the first time in his memory that a public health emergency has actually affected his day-to-day life.

In fact, Pop reckons not since the Vietnam War draft has he had to stay inside and avoid the general public for such a lengthy amount of time.

However, luckily for his family, Pete is taking this pandemic pretty seriously – after reluctantly deciding that it’s probably not dismissing on the advice of medical experts over the populist conspiracies of the mouthbreathers he watches on Sky News each night.

“You wouldn’t read about it”

“Well not in the papers. Apparently the scientists have been warning about this for years… But that’s the same lot of galahs who reckon the earth is heating up”

“[raspy smokers laugh]”

“Anyway, it’s hard to really know what’s what anymore. Now that Alan is retiring”

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