15 October, 2014. 12:22
RUSSIAN PRESIDENT Vladimir Putin has not flinched, whatsoever, at comments made by Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott regarding his intent to “shirtfront” the controversial leader at the G20 summit in Brisbane next month.

Mr Abbott’s vow to confront Mr Putin over the loss of Australian lives in the MH7 Malaysian Airlines tragedy marks an escalation of tension between the two nations over the tragedy. The Russian President does not appear to be concerned.

Putin is said to have been indifferent to the surprisingly intimidating threat and has returned fire with an equally aggressive response:

“Abbott is trying to make this personal, there is a lot more to discuss than the man’s personal dislike for me.”

“I can guarantee, my hand on my heart, if Tony Abbott approaches me with even the slightest aggression – I will drop that motherf**ker”

While Abbott’s original comments have been condemned by his political opposition and the Australia public at large – it seems Putin has been met with rallying, patriotic support.

Russian officials have mocked Tony Abbott’s threats, contrasting their President’s judo skills with the Australian Prime Minister’s passion for riding bicycles.

Ivan Abakumov, the unofficial right-hand to Putin and a close childhood friend, was the first to take aim:

“Abbott has just threatened Putin with a term that we have never heard of… I believe it comes from some sort of ‘Australian Football’.”

“The Russian President has killed wild bears in Siberia, without the use of firearms… on numerous occassions. If this is a physical challenge, I don’t think this former Oxford University boxing amatuer really knows what he’s in for”

Abbott’s chief of staff, Peta Credlin, has come out to correct any communication breakdowns that might have misconstrued the Prime Minister’s original comments:

“This was meant in a metaphorical sense, he was going to be relentless in his questioning about the MH17 disaster, he didn’t necessarily mean he was going to assault Putin physically”

However Credlin has not ruled out the Prime Minister’s ability to win any confrontation that may arise.

“If this is happening, it’s happening. Regardless of Putin’s military background. It’ll be an ‘away’ match for him. I have all faith in Tony to bring home the silverware”

Canberra embassy’s second secretary, Alexander Odoevskiy, confirmed Moscow’s position was that Mr Putin still planned to attend the G20 summit.

He also pointed out that it may be difficult for Mr Abbott to carry out his threat at next month’s Brisbane meeting because a formal bilateral meeting has not even been scheduled.


  1. The problem in comparing these two dickwads is that in 100% of the most common criteria for comparing arseholes, they are almost identical.
    However when one uses some other criteria for comparing, such as a lethal dictator, things begin to change.
    Some would say that by merely listening to Abbott is either so offensive or boring (sometimes simultaneously and that’s a rare achievement and I think I’m already over the acceptable level of how much you can fit into brackets before people forget about what the sentence is about, cos I have too), that a person could be killed from too much Abbott exposure.
    Some people in a hot day can even just keel over from looking at the freak and it’s not even to do with the heat.

    However, Putin is entirely on a different level. He actually does kill people and not with boredom or being annoying, he has thousands of people with guns and worse.
    I hope these two never kiss and make up as those two together would end the planet real quick!!!


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