ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Yet another upper-middle-class Melbournese man as broken their state-mandated quarantine today and was last seen paddling a kayak toward the North Sentinel Islands.

Wearing an Essendon Beanie and a button-up rashie, Peter Stephens defied orders from the Victorian Police to stay in his house and decided that he deserved a special treat for being such a good quarantiner.

Even though he’s currently in the throws of coronavirus.

The North Sentinel Islands are home to one of the world’s last uncontacted people and it’s currently illegal for anybody to go there.

One of the last people to head there was an American Christian missionary who was promptly killed upon landing ashore.

Shortly before jumping off the fishing boat that took him close to the islands, the currently-missing 34-year-old said he wasn’t about to let some dropkick like Dan Andrews tell him what to do.

“Mate, I’ve had this trip booked for weeks,” he said via satellite phone.

“I’ve had to paddle here from Brighton, my arms are rooted. And for some leftie Labor drip like Dictator Dan to tell me I can’t go? Nah, fuck that,”

“This is one of the last untouched pieces of the world and it’s my right as a Melbournian to touch it,”

“Go Bombers! Wooooooo!”

More to come.


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