ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Opposition leader Peter Dutton has told journalists in Canberra today that him trying on an old pair of former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s glasses has had the opposite effect on him that the people who left them in his drawer might’ve expected.

Progressives in the Liberal Party had hoped that Mr Dutton would soften along with his image when the big Queenslander was first seen sporting a pair of glasses soon after the election defeat last year.

The plan was hatched by Angus Taylor to leave an old pair of Malcolm Turnbull’s reading glasses on Peter Dutton’s desk in the hopes that the spectacles would somehow influence Peter into being less freaky when it comes to how the majority of Australians view him.

Mr Taylor explained to The Advocate that he didn’t leave McKinsey & Co and the world of consulting to be in opposition until he’s old and fucked, he wants to get the needle moving.

“Ultimately, this Voice stuff is going to pass and that’ll be that,” he said.

“I think. But, ah, yeah. Look, mate. Uh. Well, you see with Peter, he’s actually not a bad bloke when you meet him. You know, uh, in a social setting. For example, uh, when, or, uh, well, if you were to meet him at a barbeque, you would think he’s a good man. You know what I mean,”

“But yeah, we have, the uh, problem that he’s extremely unpopular and people reckon his a ghoul out to eat smoothskins in the night, like we’re playing Metal Gear Solid or something like that. It’s actually not a bad game, that game,”

“What, uh, oh yeah. The glasses. Well, we got Malcolm’s glasses and we put them in Peter’s drawer. He tried them on and fancied himself in them and he’s been wearing Malcolm’s glasses ever since. We hoped it’d make him more of a detached leftie suckhole but it’s had the opposite effect,”

“Not sure what to do now.”

More to come.

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