JAMIE HOTTAKE | Correct Opinion | Contact
My mum always used to say to me, “Son, opinions are like assholes; if someone ever tries to touch yours, kick, scream, run and tell me right away.”
Now at the time, I didn’t think much of it, but it turned out my mum had a point; don’t let any person or priest anywhere near your God damn opinion.
You know why?
Because their opinion doesn’t matter.
And neither does yours.
Let’s say you have exactly the same views as me. Wow. That’s great. Thank you for educating yourself by reading over my 4,000 pieces where I channel my rage into articles that use paragraphs as they were intended:
Artistically.
Now, let’s say you might disagree with me on the issue of race baiting. Calmly I would say to you:
“FUCK OFF! YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED NOTHING TO THIS CONVERSATION STOP GASLIGHTING ME OR I’LL CALL YOU PROBLEMATIC!”
Right now, it’s possible that you might think I’m a triggered little snow flake who needs to go back to their safe space?
Jokes on you because snowflakes are individuals, none of them are the same. And they are cool, just like me. Plus the suburb I live in leads the nation in needle attacks so it’s not exactly safe either.
Your attempt to insult me didn’t work because your opinion means about as much to me as a caged egg.
Just remember, your opinion doesn’t matter because the only thing that matters is that you accidentally click on the ads surrounding this article so we get the ad money.
Hell, I don’t even care about politics, I only care about making you angry you small-dicked wank face. I ironically voted for One Nation last election and I think I’m going to do it again so I can keep writing about how horrible Pauline Hanson is while you choke on your non-halal steak.
The revolution is now shit muncher. Now sign up for the newsletter to keep hearing my opinion because let me tell you, yours isn’t worth a crappy yellow text Tumblr gif where the caption doesn’t match what is being said.
Now if you excuse me, I’m going to go tell my mum you tried to fuck with my opinion.
Jamie Hottake is a twenty something writer who began writing outrage pieces on roughly the same week he started going bald. On Facebook he goes by the name Jamie Takehot as to not be identified by one of his dozens of fans. His hobbies include ruining yours and dragging everyone else in his generation into his disgusting bathwater.
