ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Labor earmarked $70.2 billion for private schools in Tuesday’s budget, which is roughly $1.7 billion more than was promised by Scott Morrison in his government’s pre-election budget.

The extra funding, according to budget estimates, is to guarantee a future supply of sneaker-wearing union staff and soft-eyed career politicians for Labor as it looks to consolidate power for the next few terms of government.

Treasurer Jim Chalmers took time out of his day to explain to The Advocate that while it might look bad on paper, this level of funding is just keeping everything in line with inflation, CPI and other things journalists frequently mix up.

“I think what people think are private school differ from what they are, you know what I’m saying?” he said to our reporter this afternoon via wireless telephone.

“Most people think private schools are those elite ones with the stupid little blazers, braces and neckties. Yes, some are like that but others are now. Some are private colleges in regional centres. Some are religious institutions. You know, so they’re not all full of dreadful, entitled little, uh, can I swear? Right, ok, uh, dreadful, entitled little shitcunts who carry on when they’re on public transport and get up to no good generally, and look, they’re not all like that, I mean, [Deputy Labor Leader] Richard Marles went to Timbertop but, uh, so did Missy Higgins, you know, two outstanding Australians with genuine sincerity in the heart so going to a place like that doesn’t make you a bad person, per say [sic], it just makes it more likely, you know?”

“So yeah, look, while you might have tankies in the Greens getting all upset about this but yeah, look, the optics of it might be bad but it’s not all going to those elite private schools, half the student population go to private schools and their parents pay tax so they should get some back in the form of school funding. It’s a tough one but look, it’s a tough job and I have to make tough calls.”

More to come.

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