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In news you probably missed because you are six schooners deep at your work Christmas Party, the Federal Opposition is committing to lowering emissions 43 per cent by 2030.

It is slightly lower than the 45 per cent target the party took to the last election, but higher than the Coalition’s longstanding target of 26 to 28 per cent.

The Morrison Government is projecting Australia’s emissions will have fallen by as much as 35 per cent by 2030, but will not commit to reaching that, because they actually don’t know what to do about climate change now that Rupert Murdoch is no longer helping them avoid the issue by running a decades long campaign of science denial across 70% of the Australian media market.

While announcing Labor’s new plan, Albanese insisted the plan would create more than 600,000 new jobs, cut power prices, boost private investment and cost the government $683 million.

He said the plan came with the “most comprehensive modelling” ever undertaken by an opposition, as they quickly this announcement without rocking the boat too much in the marginal carbon-exposed electorates of rural NSW and Central Queensland.

However, even though Labor has run the ball up on a more ambitious target than the current governent, their decision to not completely abolish coal mining and petrol-fuelled cars has seen them criticised by the Greens – as well as some of the more radical white boys within their own inner-city left-wing factions.

Francesco Wotton (35) is one of these jaded white collar Labor idealists.

“This is not good enough” says Francesco, a former marketing officer for Palm Oil-infused chocolate company turned Labor party organiser.

“We should’ve followed the advice of the experts and aimed for 95% by 2023. Just slash the emissions and figure out the economy later. Just as long as we still have enough credits for international travel and Ubers still operational… I’d be cool with that”

While Francesco can’t confirm whether or not he would prefer Scott Morrison win another election, he does believe that Labor is at risk of losing their growing base of people who catch trams 6 blocks to work and refuse to consume any form of media other than Scandinavian cinema.

“Labor is forgetting that we need to work with the Greens”

“We need their support on a lot of policies. And some of us actually enjoy their company”

“As someone who doesn’t want to commit to actually handing in my Labor party membership, these new targets are going to mean that I’ll be missing out on a lot of dinner parties in Fitzroy”

“Please Albo. This is very inconsiderate for the more yellow comrades”

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