George Robert Christensen MP has today called for a Royal Commission into why Sizzler outlets are closing down across Australia.

The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that the nation’s favourite all-you-can-eat restaurant chain is disappearing in front of our very eyes.

“The $14 dollar salad bar and buffet special at Sizzler is as Australian as Toadfish Rebecchi’s goatee,”

“It is a very important part of Australian life and family unity… [heavy breathing] their delicious complimentary cheese toast needs to be protected,”

The nine remaining Sizzler restaurants in Australia will permanently close by November with its parent company Collins Foods citing “peak COVID-19 impacts” as one of its primary reasons.

However, Christensen says this isn’t good enough.

“We need to look at local council’s response to struggling Sizzler franchises. We need to look at the brand itself,”

“Why are Australians no longer indulging in this delectable high-carb past time? Is it because of halal certification? Has it got anything to do with the gays?”

“Whatever it is, we’ve got to get to the root of it and we have to stop it from happening in November.


  1. I don’t think his prick is fat, just the rest of him. Never mind, he’ll be dead from a KFC overdose in the near future.

  2. There is one thing that can be said about George and it is that he is a model of what young citizens of Queensland really do not want to be like.
    He has the charisma and appeal of a cane toad.

  3. Lay off George. Snout in the Canberra trough is why he went there. Taxpayer funded lard ,and then taxpayer funded anti lard medical treatment. He reminds me of Mackay councils outdoor staff “Who can be the fattest and do the least work”

  4. I wish people would stop assuming that the majority of voters in the Dawson Electorate willingly voted for George. On polling day, with a typical Mackay laid back attitude,(and most voters quite pissed by lunch time), many would have just thrown the dart at the list or felt that the name of George sounded familiar. The proof of my assumption lies in the fact that most of the letters to the editor in our local Daily Bladder blasting George for his outrageous comments seem to come from well known disheartened LNP Supporters.

  5. I’ve been to a Sizzlers about 20 years ago and really enjoyed the experience. I too think it’s a sad day for this wonderful buffet chain to simply fade away.


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