16 May, 2016. 15:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

FORMER SAN FRANSISCO 49ERS punt returner Jarryd Hayne has walked away from the game after a season with the gridiron team to chase another lifelong dream.

His departure has left fans and sporting commentators shellshocked, but Hayne says the Olympic Games in Rio are calling his name.

He is set to play for Fiji in the augural Rugby Sevens competition, should he make the team.

However, the sporting human headline’s retirement from the NFL may force Fox Sports News to do some actual sports journalism, rather than strip and publish video each time the 28-year-old touched the pigskin.

“It’s truly is a terrible time to work for Fox Sports News,” said one concerned staff member.

“Without Jarryd, we don’t really have much to report on? I mean there’s cricket on in the Northern Hemisphere and everybody is kinda over the whole Parramatta debacle,”

“The social media team are really sweating it, there’re rumours going around that at least half of them will be back waiting tables and pouring beers by Friday.” she said.

Lashing out today at the former Eels fullback, another disgruntled Fox Sports News content writer called the retirement news “selfish” and “self-indulgent” – making reference to the fact that Hayne didn’t consider people like him when he decided to pull up stumps.

He’s not alone, with hundreds of other sports-based social media pundits now facing an uncertain future with the entire industry now left on a knife edge.

“Jarryd Hayne made my job easy,” he said via Facebook.

“Now that he’s not going to be around anymore, I might actually have to start doing something, like pick up the phone and attend real life press conferences. I don’t know how to do that. The Telegraph is going to bury us now, they know how to report on mundane sporting news and topple prime ministers,”

“We’re fucked.”



  1. Those Fox Sports News guys have got pretty good interior designers though. They managed to get their logo looking completely straight even though there’s a bend in the wall around the photocopier! #photoshopfail

    • I’m pretty sure the fact that Mark Ruffalo and Michael Keaton not working for Fox Sports was more of a giveaway than the logo.

  2. Is there a room big enough to fit Warnie, Mundine and Jarryd?

    Then we’ll chuck in Bernie an Nick for a bit of light banter…


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