A recent report from an independent research group has found that this late Autumn sun is fucking glorious and you’d have to have rocks in your head to not spend this Friday evening tipping jars of piss with your mates.

The findings went on to detail that very few of the boys have an excuse good enough to not join in, except for the blokes who decided to have kids during lockdown.

The study, conducted by a fleet logistical manager from Betoota’s Flight Path district named Les Gedonitt (28), was published via the group chat just moments ago, with uncharacteristically emotive language aimed at highlighting the urgency of these findings.

The report, which was titled ‘Which One Of You Fat Fucks Is Gonna Join Me For A Schooner’ – has yet to draw a response from the 12 individual recipients that were first

As a man that has overcome his own weight loss journey in recent year, Les is not overly concerned that his fatphobic commentary will discourage any of his mates from jumping in the glass canoe with him this evening.

However, they are taking their sweet arse time getting back to him.

Hoping to not have to resort to sending this exact same message to another group chat made up of better behaved mates, or worse – asking one of his colleagues to join him for a schooey – Les has decided to circle back to this topic.

“Oi” he says.

“Who the fucks on”

“I’ll go anywhere”

The excruciate radio silence eventually comes to a glorious end as WhatsApp informs him the recently single carpenter Billy Catalousis may be able to accomodate Les’s deepest Friday arvo desires.

‘Big CAT is typing’ reads the messaging platform.

“Yeah fucken oath where at. I’ll jump in the shower now” says Big CAT.

Les sighs with relief. Even better, Big Cat’s 3:30pm knock off from the jobsite gives him enough time to get home and get changed, before meeting in town at 5pm sharp.


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