ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A popular local hairdresser has revealed he’s smitten with his new Toyota Yaris.

The man in question, a confused Gary Tuckwell answered the phone this and fielded questions regarding his new car from The Advocate – most of which were geared to his knowledge of resell value.

“What does that mean? Why is me owning a pink car newsworthy? Will people even read this gibberish? Did you have too much to drink watching State of Origin last night? Has your brain turned to mush?” he asked, in his outside voice.

Our reporter said nothing; then asked if he knew what resell value meant to him.

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” said Tuckwell.

Again, our reporter said nothing but this time he elected to hang up before the scissorman had a chance to give him another tongue lashing.

Parts of what Gary had yelled at our reporter rang true, however.

This story will be posted from The Advocate’s designated smoking hammock in Machattie Park sometime this afternoon.

Just when he thought it was over, Gary rang back on the wireless telephone.

“Does resell value mean that because I bought a new factory-pink Yaris, it will limit the market I have when I go to sell it to make up the balloon payment?”

“Shit, I didn’t think of it like that. So only other hairdressers and kin identifying as female will only be interested in buying my car at full room and board?”

“Actually, that doesn’t matter. Worse comes to worse, I’ll take it out to Betoota Ponds and torch the fucking thing for the insurance. Allianz still thinks it’s worth as much as what I paid for it.”

More to come.


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