ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An underemployed graduate of the exclusive South Betoota TAFE College has compiled his most fraudulent and dishonest tax return to date this afternoon.

Fergus Blister, a qualified horticulturist, works as a sandwich maker at a nearby cafe during the day and occasionally runs cockfights in his backyard to supplement his meagre income.

However, he failed to declare the income he generates from the latter to the Australian Tax Office.

“The cash I make from cockfights goes undeclared,” said the 27-year-old.

“That money is for me and I use it to buy roosters when the fellas can’t get the fight card put together in time. But yeah, that and the ‘$700 of laundry’ I do and my ‘work phone’ are also a bit how ya going.”

“I’m just getting my own back after the government allowed Penalty Rates to be axed because they never had to work a hospo job in their life and their kids might only need to work in one to ‘learn the value of money,’ not because they need to pay bills”

“So fuck em.”

Mr Blister’s attitude isn’t dissimilar to a number of other young people around town.

The Advocate spoke to a few whining Millennials, who said the cost of living and real estate prices are keeping them from keeping honest.

“You can’t expect a red-blooded Australian to file a perfectly above-board tax return,” said one local hairdressing apprentice.

“It’s unAustralian. The only thing people hate more than the tax man is the bouncer at the Crazy Horse in Adelaide.”

More to come.


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