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For the second time this year, Greg Pouch of Betoota Heights is currently without a phone.

Just how the 28-year-old came to lose his phone is a mystery even to him – let alone those who are lucky enough to call him a close friend.

Rather than trudge it out until the end of his current phone plan, which is due to expire in October 2019, Greg has taken an entrepreneurial leaf out of a self-help book he’s reading now and taken to social media to see if any of his internet friends have an old phone he can just have.

“Phone = dead,” wrote the marginally successful buyer’s agent on The Face Book.

“Does anybody have an old phone I can have? An iPhone 6 or above would be ideal.”

He didn’t even say thank you, according to a former classmate of Greg’s.

Though Michael Rust has been following Greg’s ill-fated odyssey through life since leaving school a decade ago, he’s going to stop short of offering him the use of a perfectly-usable iPhone 7 in his top drawer.

“It’ll only end up lost,” he said.

“There’s also a lot of personal information on someone’s phone. If you hand out your old phones to people, you’ve got rocks inside your fucking head where your brain should be.”

Our reporter asked Greg who he needed such a flash phone, why he couldn’t just put up with having a $29 burner until he could afford something nicer, he said that he uses ‘apps’ for work and an older phone just wouldn’t make muster.

“I need a phone you can email off and have Instagram on,” he said.

“It’s 2018 and a smartphone, one like an iPhone 6 or better is a basic human right. What am I? A farmer?”

More to come.



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