“How are you mate, are you doing alright?” asks local dog-owner, Keiran.

His 3-year-old honey lab, Dilbert, doesn’t respond.

“How about this cold. You don’t like this cold do you? ” he asks.

Still no response.

No one else is around, so Keiran isn’t really playing this up. This is honestly what he does all the time with his dog.

Other than getting excited and being referred to as a good boy, Dilbert doesn’t appear to be able to understand English – which isn’t really a surprise, since he isn’t a human.

“Don’t eat the mandarin peels Dilbert. They aren’t good for dogs to eat. You, know that mate” he says, while scruffing him around the neck.

Keiran is just one of many millions of dog owners around the world who seem to think that slowly speaking English to his dog is the best way to communicate thoughts to him. Even more confusing for the dog, and everyone else, is the fact that the warm and loving pats don’t seem to correlate well with the lecture he is giving his domesticated pet.

“I’m surprised he’s persevering with it to be honest”s ays Keiran’s brother, Glenn.

“He could at least try to talk to him in French”

“Labradors come from that part of Canada, don’t they?”

At time of press, Keiran was seen explaining to Dilbert that by eating yet another corn cob that he found in the bin, he was in fact setting himself up for another visit to the vet.


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