RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

NIMBYISM has taken on a deeper meaning today after the Nation’s property moguls decided it also applies to their one asset that never returned anything good; their broke and useless offspring.

The Franked Dividends Appreciation Society (FDAS), the peak industry body that represents solely the interests of our boomer cohort, has called on federal government to criminalise broke adult children moving back home.

This comes after a sharp rise in the number of snowflake millennials moving back home after finding themselves unable to acquire or afford rental accommodation anywhere across this arid landmass of broken dreams and smashed avocadoes.

Head of FDAS, Dorothy Craft-Biers (67), told the Advocate from the comfort of her second lounge room that while she understands affordable housing options are important for young people, it’s not fair that she has to take in these no-hopers just when she’s started to enjoy retirement.

“I’ve worked my whole life to get what I have, and now my son comes back as a 30 year old man completely broke, depressed, and wants to stay in his old room indefinitely?!” She scoffed down a scotch finger bickie as she spoke and sipped tea that appeared to have too much milk and 5 teaspoons of sugar in it.

“I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be able to come home now and then for a short visit, but to move back in is criminal.”

“They need to grow up. I heard on the wireless this morning that there’s 4 affordable rentals available across the country right now. How much more of a bloody leg-up do these kids need?!” she spat with righteous anger.

The Advocate spoke with many affected boomers while investigating this story. A common thread was that while most of them had at least 2 investment properties they were renting out as short stay accommodation, they would rather send their children off to prison before offering one of them up for long term rent.

“I never got any handouts,” one boomer told the Advocate without any real appreciation of how his franking credits look to the younger generations.

“This is one housing crisis that the government actually needs to fix. Criminalise it now!”

More to come.


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