ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Fuck!” he shouted.

“Nathan! Get in here!”

A local 13-year-old felt his stomach drop.

Had his father finally cottoned on to the fact his garden hose was getting progressively shorter? Did Dad open an email from his English teacher that explained the recent detention he got was for pretending his glue stick was a penis?

As young Nathan Washbrook walked the long walk from the living room to the verandah, all these questions and more were racing through his head.

But a wave of relief washed over him like a fully-clothed tourist stuck in a rip as soon as he got outside.

“How do you drive this fucking wookatook piece of shit?” yelled George Washbrook, a perennially angry and frustrated local baby boomer who has by the grace of God somehow avoided a serious cardiac episode in his life.

“I was trying to send a message to your sister and it fucking disappeared.”

He was huffing and shaking at this point.

However, in a cruel twist of fate, Nathan looked at the half-fucked Motorolla Razr and shrugged.

“I don’t know how to use those things either, Dad,” he said.

“Let me take a look, but.”

After a few minutes of dicking about, Nathan was able to find his way back to the message his father was attempting to compose.

Confiding in our reporter, Nathan said the message was not to his sister but to his receptionist.

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” he asked The Advocate while our reporter was buying him cigarettes at Sully’s Newsagency in South Betoota.

Our reporter shrugged and he didn’t know – but assured the Year 7 student at The Whooton School that what goes around, ultimately comes around.

More to come.


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