GREG PONCHO | Canberra et al. | Contact
A popular Point Piper public servant has sighed repeatedly over his cappuccino this morning after realising that all the renewable and sustainable energy technology he invested in previously isn’t compatible with the future.
Malcolm Turnbull, the 29th and current Prime Minister of Australia, told neighbours that he plans to have the solar panels taken down off the roof and thrown in a skip, plus he’s thinking about driving his Toyota Prius down a local boat ramp and replacing it with a Toyota Landcruiser Sahara.
“I know I used to tell you all about how good solar power is and whatnot,” he told one neighbour.
“But I’ve come to the understanding that coal is actually quite a viable option. There is clean coal now. So clean, even developed nations such as Japan and Germany still burn coal. Japan invented Pokemon, which speaks volumes for their ingenuity and genius,”
“But yeah. Forget what I said about all that clean energy business. Heck, my Prius wouldn’t even pull the skin off a tomato soup. If it were a tractor, it wouldn’t even be able to pull a seven-tyne chisel plough through a nice soft patch of volcanic Mullaley dirt. Once again guys, I’m sorry.”
Speaking candidly to The Advocate about the shock move by the former Communications Minister to backflip on solar panel ownership, a fellow Point Piper resident was surprised Turnbull even had them installed in the first place.
Francis Greenhorne-Wilco, a semi-retired art dealer and Commodore of the Prince Edward Yacht Club, explained to our reporters that not many people on the Piper peninsula gave much thought to energy prices or bills as they’re typically redirected to their accountant’s office.
“I haven’t seen a power bill in over 30 years, not since I was living rough in Paddington,” said Francis.
“When we notice Malcolm putting those roof mirrors up on his home, we all wondered what on Earth he was doing! Then when we saw him cruising about in the vulgarly quiet hybrid car, we feared we’d lost him to politics forever,”
“Now those ghastly panels are coming down. I empathise for him, I really do. Having to deal with all those common people in Parliament. Oh well.”
More to come.