The Lord Kidman Hotel, located in the inner-Betoota suburb of Roma Hills, has been fined for not taking into account the fact that the neighbouring residents expect to be able to go to sleep whenever they want.

Despite standing in the same spot for 150 years and being owned and run by the same family for six decades, the venue has been put on notice by local council, who today informed them that the concerns of urban homeowners are much more important than the business model of the century-old public house.

It is believed that the weekly Thursday night live music managed to sneak it’s way the single brick wall dividing the pub and the neighbouring renovated worker’s cottage, waking up Echo (32 months) and Atticus (12 months).

Pub owner, Bruce Bruce (72) says that he didn’t realise that it was his duty to cater for the lifestyle of young urban professionals who decided to buy terrace houses next to his pub because it was cheap.

“I’m honestly so sorry” he said.

“I didn’t realise that our resident Thursday night band, who has been playing here since the Whitlam dismissal, was causing so much grief to our new neighbours – who haven’t yet introduced themselves to me after five years”

Local council inspector, John Wowser, says the initial fine for noise ($3000) is more of a warning call.

“A lot of these old beer sellers don’t realise that times have changed. They don’t realise the only thing local council and the state government care about is insuring that property prices go up”

“Right now it’s just a few fines and increasingly hostile relationship”

“Eventually we’ll do what Sydney has done – and convince old people that all people who go to pubs are also homicidal maniacs who enjoy punching promising young white men”

“Then we’ll bring in some lock-out laws to shut them down completely”

However, publican Bruce says shutting them down might be a bad idea for the neighbours.

“Where else are these 30-year-old men going to be able to find a takeaway bottle of rosè at eleven in the morning?”

“Or an ATM to draw out $300 at midnight when his missus takes the kids to her mothers for a weekend”


  1. Last time I passed through Betoota I saw chooks with teeth and pigs flying overhead but no yuppies. They don’t drink borewater. The Licensing Branch is responsible for pub noise in Qld. anyway.

  2. I remember the Lord Kidman when I visited there years ago. The staff were friendly but said they had run out of latte beans so I had a beer with my breakfast instead.

  3. The Lord Kidman is an establishment and the last place I’d move my young family near. For my mate Kevs 22nd few years back Brucey had no problems with Kev pissing himself at 13:52.. Bruce did mention if he was going to do it later in the day then to shoot down the alley next to the house.


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