The Nation

6 November, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact STEPPING OUT ON CHURCH STREET for the first time in almost twenty years, retired television presenter Ken Sutcliffe casually flicks the safety off on the Glock 23 stuffed down the back of his moleskin trousers. The town that both he and Tim Sheridan left for the bright lights of sports journalism all...

  ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ONE NATION SENATOR MALCOLM Roberts has lashed out at NASA this morning, asking that they stop forcing 'inappropriate' and 'pro-immigration' moon phases upon the people of Australia. Mr Roberts is spearheading the campaign to outlaw the controversial crescent moon phase, as he feels that it's not an Australian moon and the population shouldn't be forced...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As many parents who waited until the Cold War was over to procreate will agree, a recent study confirms their suspicions that the sole reason why their children love 80's pop is because of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. A shiver went down Jenny Cartwright's spine when she heard the opening riff of "I Ran...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, Rylie Piper has been commended today for his breathtaking selflessness and impressive work ethic. While getting stuck into a few 'schooey schooey moi mois' with some close mates at the Lord Betoota Hotel last night, Piper shocked the entire pub by getting up from his seat, picking up several empty beer glasses, walking to the bar...

3 November, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER A LONG WINTER of disappointing sporting results for the nation, a Brisbane corporate's hopes and dreams for Australian sport have been buoyed by three quick wickets this morning at the WACA. Both Mitchell Starc and Josh Hazelwood picked up wickets in today's first session, which sent Johnno Townsend's Hutchinson worksite into...

1 November, 2016. 10:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact HER BLOOD IS ON IT'S way to being thicker than toothpaste and husband Greg is growing more concerned as each day passes. Four weeks has passed since Wanda Matthews, a freelance interior design consultant, stumbled upon more than just one article that spruiked the benefits of a diet that wholly consists of...

1 November, 2016 17:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hundreds of animal rights protestors have today been left confused and bored, as they discovered that not one of the twenty-hour horses in this year's Melbourne Cup had to be euthanised due to injury. As reported by the Betoota Advocate earlier, organisers of The Race That Stops A Nation had prepared for such an event, by planting...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH SHE'S INDIFFERENT when it comes to horse racing, a young Melbourne lawyer is beginning to feel a little unsteady on her feet. Amy McCormack's Jimmy Choos are digging into the turf every time a senior partner sends her back to the Veuve Clicquot pop-up bar on the other side of the firm's corporate tent. On...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IT WASN'T EVEN 7 O'CLOCK when the first 'dumb cunt' was thrown from one punter to another. Michael Dollarhide woke this morning to find his WhatsApp group hotly discussing who was going to win the Melbourne Cup this afternoon, with almost every having a conflicting opinion. "Most days, I do with my mate Tom, who works...

31 October, 2016. 18:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact YUPPIE PARENTS ARE AT RISK of having their children taken out of their care if they decide to take them trick-or-treating this year - that's the message from the NSW Department of Community Services. Celebrating Halloween is often seen as being as unAustralian as skipping out on a shout before it's yours. This...