The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite getting 240 points over the weekend, a far south-west grazier has told The Advocate that he could probably do with a little bit more. Our reporter spoke to Darcy Tuxworth, who took time out of his busy afternoon of looking at full dams and ringing his neighbours to explain that while he's grateful for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As both Netflix and Hulu release two rivalling documentaries about the failed 'Fyre Island' festival at the same time, the President's closest Secret Service officers have finally been able to identify where Donald Trump's sons have been for the last year and a half. Currently unpaid government intelligence agents have confirmed today that they identified both Eric and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Concentrate Tino!" "Just hit it gently this time. No! No! No! We're smalls!" A gaggle of juvenile delinquent wrecks somehow managed to pool together $3 between them over the weekend to slot into the pool table down the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club. Tino Larson, Brett Syphon, Oliver Goink and Louise Ansett were pissed as hell by...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving once again to be a true representative of the people, Senator Pauline Hanson has accidentally locked herself in her car in a sun-exposed spot at Indooroopilly Shopping Centre but has denied she is in any danger, regardless of how hot it looks inside the car. After completing her shopping at Hairhouse Warehouse, Senator...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Australian high school students who staged a class walk-out to raise awareness for climate changed have been heavily criticised by several sitting MPs, who have encouraged the students to focus on more useful things like how they are going to be able to afford to pay off their eventual HECs debt. In...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A weekend adventure with easy going party types has turned sour as seasoned doofer, Joel Anderson (32), is preparing to tell you every story about the three years he lived in London doing acid weekly. Following a fun evening of drinks and casual drug use, the early morning hours have digressed to the point where sitting silently listening...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local idiot who’s been going to the movies his whole life nearly failed to take a jumper into the cinema, despite knowing just how cold it gets in there. It’s believed Gary, a 31-year-old male who still lives at home, was there seeing the latest transformers movie, Bumblebee. The Advocate managed to grab him...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Drought resource management has kicked into high-gear at a French Quarter share house as a bottle of off milk has remained in the fridge, just in case the next person needs it for something. The two litre bottle of milk currently contains about 300 ml of milk three days past the used by date, but...

LOUIS BURKE | Fantasy| CONTACT Unregistered voter Patrick Mulroney (34) has stuck it to the man and put himself first in line to be stopped by coppers today by wearing a cap with an embroidered cannabis leaf on it in public. Describing himself as being between schemes, Mulroney took to public transport to visit a casual acquaintance just to have something to do...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact For residents of the humble inland oasis that is the town of Betoota, the blistering heat has forced their hands somewhat this afternoon. With the town currently facing the same oppressive conditions most of the country is battling with this afternoon, the choice of Friday destination has already been chosen for many. With the new year ticking along...