The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Several scientists from the CSIRO have today released images that accurately show what the iconic Brisbane River would look like had Queenslanders never been put in charge of maintaining it. Lead researcher, Professor Mal Tuquiri says it's probably a good thing that no one knows how badly polluted the river is, and how beautiful it once was. "Essentially, what we...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Although the nationwide shortage of toilet paper is thankfully over, Melbourne residents are facing a new shortage of a common domestic item; aluminium foil.  The kitchen staple is in high demand due to the sudden emergence of dozens of anti-lockdown protestors who are said to be fashioning the foil into hats and stockpiling it for future hat-related use;...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT What was a sensible if not COVID-19 guideline pushing dinner party divulged into a makeshift British panel show only without a studio audience to remind viewers to laugh.  Attending the party in Betoota Heights was British expat (see immigrant) Reginald Farthing (26) who did not know that a few bottles of new-world red would cause his fellow guests to...

BEAU RIVERS | Local News | Contact Victoria has today been quietly dropped from all Tourism Australia (TA) publications, as the hipster state struggles with coronavirus. “Yeah we didn’t want to make a big deal of it,” said TA CEO Greg Holiday. “There are some other reasons...” he replied. “But this was just the perfect time to slip these changes through.” TA intern Lily was...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In earth-shattering news, Scotty from Marketing has shown he is just a regular person like you and me; by building a cubby house on the weekend whilst numerous cameramen filmed the effort for the nightly news.  “Wow, he is so relatable!” said Pool Chemical shop owner Joe Regular, 46. “I often perform menial tasks whilst being pursued by...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has told reporters that he's had a gutful of state premiers putting themselves before the national economy. "It's just plain selfish," said Scott Morrison this afternoon in Sydney. "We're just trying to get back on our feet and people like Dan Andrews and Annastacia Palaszczuk are just taking the piss out of me....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Top End will open their borders to the rat people of Sydney in four weeks time if they're able to stop coughing on each other down there. Right now, people from the nation's most overrated hell hole are required to do two weeks quarantine in a hotel, at their expense, should they feel the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Single people living alone in Victoria are growing more toey by the minute as the countdown begins for the single social bubble. From Monday September14, people living alone and single-parent households will be able to nominate one other person as a visitor. Premier Daniel Andrews says one of the first lockdown restrictions to be eased up is the isolation of those not in committed...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact When Deputy NSW Premier John Barilaro said yesterday that the Nationals were talking away from the Coalition over koala-related legislation, he said he was prepared to lose everything. Everything - except his hair gel allowance. The NSW taxpayer foots the bill for Mr Barilaro's hair gel and it's not cheap. It costs the people who live down...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A farmer from the New South Wales western division has told The Advocate this morning that koalas are the biggest issue facing his enterprise right now and he backs the NSW Nationals leader to have his cake and eat it, too. "Good on old Barra," said Gus Stockwell of Gumly Gumly Station via Engonnia. "I'm losing...