The Nation

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT When the dickheads at Betoota County Council realised they still had eighteen and a half mil in the bank right before the end of the 2004 Financial Year, it was clear what needed to be done; blow the lot on as many roundabouts as possible to make sure nobody higher up realised that too much money had been...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A yummy mummy from the French Quarter has today decided to throw her child in the deep end, using a popular cafe as a training ground to test her child’s food ordering skills. This incident has, of course, occurred at around 12:30 pm, which is when staff are rushed off their feet to keep up with the lunchtime...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Ponds personal trainer has admitted to The Advocate this afternoon that the only thing that previously stopped him from getting a sleeve tattoo was the seven fucks he had left to give. However, upon reading New York Times Bestseller, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, Dennis Pooley cast those fucks to the wayside and booked an appointment...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A 19-year-old electrician's apprentice wearing a Unit flat brim has been given a Friday early mark today. That's judging by his excited violations of Queensland road rules. Ryan Breeston was seen giving her some as he hit the Bruce Highway exit ramp, pulling out of near bumper-to-bumper traffic on his way home. It is not known how Ryan was able...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mum doesn't often treat herself to offloading domestic duties. Sometimes dad picks up the slack, sometimes one of the kids does, but mostly she wears it all herself. In fact, she often isn't content in watching anyone else do it and will often take control. However, once a month the folks treat themselves to a house cleaner. This is when...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Imagine an out of tune cacophony of 27-year-old women singing along to What Would You Do by City High. Unfortunately for the neighbours of Jenice Frawley, they don’t have to imagine it, this is reality to them with the young revelers next door hitting their stride in song 3 of So Fresh Summer Hits 2002.  “What would you...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Holidaying actor Matt Damon has caught up with exiled and now-broke US tech entrepreneur Bill Gates in Central Queensland this week where they went fishing and lay some crab pots. However, Damon explained to our reporters this morning that the trip wasn't what he thought it was going to be. "We went up to the Fitzroy...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has asked the people of Australia watch him try to win an election by spending enough money to make sure children being born today will still be paying it off when they're old and fucked. In Canberra today, Scott Morrison to reporters he was only focused on defeating the Indian itchy lung. "It...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Paul Keating, the 24th Prime Minister of Australia, has passed away on live television this afternoon after being asked about buying Dogecoin with early-withdrawn superannuation funds. He was 77. Mr Keating became visibly annoyed when the ABC's Michael Rowland asked him about the popular crypto-currency that's taking the world by storm at the moment. However, when...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With face masks back on the menu for the NSW region of NSW (Newcastle, Sydney, Wollongong) - millions of Australians are readjusting to that life we thought we had left back in December 2020. NSW has extended its COVID-19 restrictions for one week until May 15, despite recording another day of no new locally acquired COVID-19 cases. This is due...