NT Government Vows To Stamp Out Leaked Cases Of Child Abuse In Correctional Facilities
25 July, 2016 16:45
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Northern Territory Government has today announced plans to stamp out as many cases of videotaped child abuse within correctional facilities as possibly, shortly after sacking Corrections Minister John Elferink in the wake of the damning ABC Four Corners report into the mistreatment of teenage prisoners.
In response to the comments made by, the CEO of...
Female law graduate receives Windex to clean the glass ceiling
25 July, 2016. 14:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
WIPING AWAY THE TEARS as their daughter graduates at the top of her class, parents Bill and Amanda Batten-Shein couldn't be prouder watching Katie (23) shake hands with the Dean, who handed over her Bachelor of Laws and a bottle of Windex as they posed for the camera.
"She's finally done it,"...
Guardian Reporters Trying Their Best Not To Acknowledge That Trump Is Going To Win This Thing
22 July, 2016 14:45
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Following both the Republican and Democratic Conventions, as well as the recent DNC wikileaks emails, political reporters from The Guardian are now trying their very best to cover the US Presidential election without acknowledging the fact that Donald Trump is almost a sure bet to win this thing.
Speaking to the Betoota Advocate today, former...
FOX Sports Sound Man Thinks He’s Fucken See-Through
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A FOX SPORTS SOUND recordist's world has come crashing down around him this morning after learning that he's not fucking transparent and people can't see through him.
Despite feeling invisible throughout high school and university, Michael Poon was able to keep his job after the sports network axed 4700 employees after Jarryd Hayne got dropped...
Learner motorbike rider can’t wait to donate organs
21 July, 2016. 14:34
ERROL PARKER | Purple Monkey Dishwasher | Contact
GREG POON THREW CAUTION TO the wind on his 40th birthday and decided to buy a motorcycle.
Knowing full well that he could be turned inside out after even a minor accident, Mr Poon revealed he simply cannot wait until his liver gets a lashing from somebody else.
"Yeah moit, me...
Goondiwindi Grandmother Insists Dark Features Come From ‘Spanish Ancestors’
20 July, 2016 14:45
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A 75-year-old Goondiwindi woman has once again today reiterated her theory that there was a large population of dark-haired Southern Europeans living in Western Queensland several generations ago.
Despite the fact that her family tree strictly states that her ancestors have been in the district for over 120 years, without any signs of European surnames,...
Taylor Swift becomes third woman ‘killed’ by somebody close to the Kardashians
19 July, 2016. 11:02
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
TRIBUTES FROM AROUND THE world have been flowing in this morning after 26-year-old pop star Taylor Swift became the third female victim of the Kardashian family's rampage through popular culture.
She was found late last night face down in a bowl of Fruit Loops at her Los Angeles home.
Known primarily for either...
Entrepreneurial tramp has PayPass™ terminal installed on forehead
18 July, 2016. 12:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE SEISMIC FINANCIAL SHIFT TOWARD a cashless economy is doing the nation's homeless out of the job, a recent report has suggested.
Australians are, on average, carrying less cash than ever before.
Only a generation ago, there was no option than to have some folding stuff or a chequebook in your back pocket. Now,...
Local soft boy needs two hands on the pliers to cut plain wire
17 July, 2016. 12:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
GRAPPLING HIS 10-INCH CRESCENTS like he's holding a cricket bat, a North Betoota sissy has embarrassed himself this morning by using both hands to cut up some plain wire.
Stopping short of wearing gloves, Sam Earle (24) let out a quiet, audible moan as he finally heard the clink of wire hitting the...
15-year-old’s life in ruins after watching parents slow dance to ‘Beast of Burden’
16 July, 2016. 13:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
WITH THREE TEENAGE CHILDREN living under their roof, precious moments between quinquagenarian lovebirds David and Amy Davies are few and far between.
But just last night, after a nice dinner and a bottle of the second cheapest red on the menu, they came home to find their youngest still awake watching Simpsons reruns.
"To...
