IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter problem drinker last night found himself walking through Machattie Park at 1 am after being turfed out of the nearby Cracker's Nelson Inn on Rue de Branlette, putting himself in great danger of either getting lost or being violently mugged by a vagrant. Local tiler Gary Davidson lives, as the crow flies,...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a damning report, a new study has found that the extreme drop in quality of graff is the biggest indicator that you have left a major city, and entered regional Australia. As city dwellers are beginning to spend the warmer weekends in the beautiful towns that regional Australia has to offer, one thing can't be ignored by many,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact With a fresh deck of Marlboro Golds on the cart dashboard and a six-pack of Gold cans generously iced in the Esky, local mother Denise Coleman is living the life down at Royal Betoota Country Club this afternoon. The 32-year-old small business owner is taking part in the ladies 2-ball ambrose competition with three other...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Federal Treasurer Jim Chalmers has told reporters in Canberra this morning that the economy is still on shaking ground and the road out of this current situation is long and narrow. In order to keep the nation's pathetically unsophisticated economy afloat, the South Brisbane political identity has said he only really has one tool to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a groundbreaking move that has both angered and elated residents of the Island State, the Tasmanian Parliament has introduced a controversial bill aiming to legalise marriages between Mainlanders and Tasmanians. The move, hailed by some as a step towards inclusivity and by others as a desperate plea for a mainland rescue mission, has...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The son of some cunt has told The Advocate that he doesn't really care about what's going on around the world because whatever does happen around the world doesn't really affect him at all. Full-time stay-at-home-son Max Wright (23) went on to say that other people in his wider circle of friends at the Betoota...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local Communications Minister Michelle Rowland has come under fire this week for repeatedly being unable to resist the urge to be wined and dined by a dreadful, parasitic industry that she's allegedly trying to reform. Most recently, Responsible Wagering Australia (which represents Ladbrokes, Bet365, and SportsBet) took Ms. Rowland out for lunch in Melbourne to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Lake Betoota cleaner learned today that the Airbnb listing he just cleaned for $100 attracts a cleaning fee of $250 plus all the outrageous service fees on top. Speaking to The Advocate today, Noman Ali (a recent recipient of a permanent visa) said that now that he has some protections when it comes to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights homeowner has become the first person in recorded history to successfully kill Kikuyu, prompting a visit from the nation's top lawncare and gardening minds. Russell Boing (63) of Rivendell Terrace purchased the three-bedroom volume build dogbox just shy on a decade ago and freely admits to The Advocate that the previous owner...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact In a boozy spectacle that defied both time and sobriety, a group of Filipino mates left their neighbors bewildered as they expertly crooned Ja Rule and Ashanti's 'Mesmerize,' heavily intoxicated and blind at a 3am karaoke session. "Nesto and his crew were off their faces," chuckled Marjorie Thompson, a neighbour who listened the spectacle....