One half of the country’s supermarket cartel have today gotten on the front foot to try and avoid a senate enquiry.

With the nation facing eye-watering grocery bills, parliament has agreed to support the Greens’ call for a Senate Inquiry into exactly how the price gouging supermarket duopoly is price gouging ordinary Australians.

The inquiry will see head honchos from Woolworths and Coles front up to parliament to do their best to avoid answering any questions about their price gouging.

The inquiry follows the revelation that the supermarket giants are making billion dollar profits while claiming that they are simply ‘passing on the higher costs.’

Given the inevitable few bad PR soundbites that will emerge from the Senate Inquiry, Woolworths have today announced that they are happy to bring back the Ooshies if parliament just drop the whole inquiry thing.

“Fine, we’ll bring em back if everyone just eases up a bit,” sighed a spokesperson for the company.

Made popular by parents fighting over them, Ooshies were small plastic toys given out by the supermarket giant to incentivise people to spend their hard earn on their overpriced groceries.

“If everyone isn’t happy paying overs for their luxuries like vegetables and meat, then we can see a little return from everyone’s squishy little bits of plastic.”

“There’s nothing to distract someone from the fact that we are aggressively raising profit margins and fucking over both farmers and consumers like a cool limited edition Ooshie.”

“So that’s sorted okay.”

“Now everyone can forget that we are acting exactly like a company whose part of a duopoly in a free unregulated market, should be acting.”


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