A Brisbane woman has recovered from a bout of self-diagnosed food poisoning despite doctors sending her home for excessive inebriation and the onset of dehydration.

“They told me to go home, put a bucket next to the bed, keep my fluids up and to sleep it off,” said Lizzy Anderson, 28-year-old personal assistant to the CBD office leasing team at Jones Lang La Salle.

“I had thrown up outside Fridays, in my handbag, in the cab – before the dickhead driver kicked me out – and then all throughout the emergency room,”

“I kept telling the staff I ate a bad kebab, but they just wouldn’t listen.”

However, Princess Alexandra Hospital staff that worked the relevant 11pm to 7am shift vehemently oppose Miss Anderson’s account and are calling for patients who arrive in emergency after their Friday night knock off drinks to own up to their actions.

“You should have seen her – she fell through the sliding doors covered in spew, and no shoes,” said one junior doctor who has asked not to be named out of fear of being crucified by Queensland Health.

“She was muttering ‘the kebab made me sick’, but we knew better – at its fastest, food poising sets in four hours after consumption – we’re not idiots, we are medical fucking professionals,”

“I know when I get shit faced, I just come into work, call whichever mate is rostered on and get a quick IV fix. But at least I’m not lying to myself about what made me sick,”

Miss Anderson says she is looking to press charges and is currently seeking counsel from Shine Lawyers.

“I’m astounded they let me go – I was in a really bad way. This is how lawsuits happen.”


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