The landmass of Europe has this weekend chosen to pursue the most amicable resolution to a major continental showdown.

With the annual Eurovision song contest taking place in the second most neutral country in Europe, the most neutral country came away as victors.

Hosted by Sweden in Malmo, Switzerland won the contest, edging out Croatia 591 votes to 547.

Nemo, who identifies as non-binary, took home the glass microphone for their country – after winning the poll which is a compilation of judges and residents votes from each country.

The victory for the nation which never, ever, lets war get in the way of their banks, comes after a turbulent competition that featured a fair share of geopolitical controversy.

While the typical moral support for Ukraine allowed the contestants to pat themselves on the back, the inclusion of Israel in this year’s competition caused a stir with a few countries behind the scenes.

Ireland was banned from spreading a pro-Palestine message, while countries like Belgium aired condemnations of Israel during the broadcast.

The ban on political messaging at the event was attributed to the organisers wanting to ensure that nothing go in the way of the glitter, pyrotechnics and weird experimental music wedged in between AI generated pop songs.

On top of that, it’s alleged that votes may have been tweaked to ensure that the most neutral country in Europe took home the top gong.

“It couldn’t have worked out better,” said one of the organisers to The Advocate this morning.

“Just like a Swiss watch or a Swiss bank, everything ticked along as efficiently as it could.”

“I don’t really know why we keep inviting you guys along to this competition, but see you next year.”

More to come.


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