In a show of unmatched delusion, local pom Gareth Hunt (34) has once again assured friends and family that football is indeed coming home, despite an unexpected defeat by a country with a population less than the regional centre of Geelong.

Brought back a few years ago by yellow-tooth English football fans, Football was initially flagged to come home in 1998 with the cult song Three Lions (Football’s Coming Home).

Forgotten for a couple of decades, England’s recent ability to not bomb out in the first week of a major tournament has seen the song burst back into popular culture.

Now, with the European cup only a week away, English fans and media prepare for what they believe will be their time to finally take back some silverware to the British Isles.

A European cup also brings a deep sense of deja vu to the rest of the world as England’s optimism going into the tournament will soon be met with finger pointing and probably blaming a certain group of players or something.

With a humiliating 1-0 loss to the arctic nation of Iceland in a pre tournament friendly last week, many non-English fans can’t help but laugh at the mediocrity of what on paper should be a team that should definitely be a favourite.

Laughs towards England as a footballing nation have once again slowly turned into cringe as England fans somehow still remain confident.

“We invented the game, we got the best squad and we’re gonna win the cup! Best of all it will all be done on German turf!” scoffed Gareth, who made a brief cameo in Netflix’s doco Attack On Wembley.

Despite the exact level of optimism being brought to the failed campaigns that were, Euro ’68, The 1970 World cup, Euro ’72, The 1974 World Cup, Euro ’76, the 1978 World Cup, Euro ’80, the 1982 World Cup, Euro ’84, the World Cup English people don’t talk about, Euro ’88, the 1990 World Cup, Euro ’92, the 1994 World Cup, Euro ’96, the 1998 World Cup, Euro ‘2000, the 2002 World Cup, Euro ’04, the 2006 World Cup, Euro ’08, the 2010 World Cup, Euro ’12, the 2014 World Cup, Euro ’16, the 2018 World Cup, Euro ’21 and the 2022 World Cup, Gareth remains confident going into the tournament.

More to come.


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