An interesting morning in Federal politics has taken another bizarre turn, it can be confirmed.

Following in the footsteps of Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce, Defence Minister Peter Dutton has also gone to extreme lengths to avoid doing some actual work.

The former Queensland cop has apparently joined Ukraine’s International Defence Battalion, attempting to fly over to the eastern European nation to join the fight against Russia.

The Battalion has received interest from a few thousand vigilantes around the world, after the Ukrainian President’s plea for assistance.

Dutton’s decision comes after Scotty from Marketing drew a pencil mark on his RAT and Barnaby cut his finger off with a circular saw – all in an effort to stay away from the flood clean up.

With the residents of Queensland’s southern corner and NSW’s Northern Rivers trying to pick up the pieces from the devastating floods that have destroyed so many lives, it’s been an active effort from our Federal leaders to avoid getting hands-on with the clean-up.

This comes after Scott Morrison delayed his trip up North to meet with a loudmouth English toff Piers Morgan, Anthony Albanese was too busy having cocktails at Peter Fitzsimmons and Lisa Wilkinson’s place, Barnaby was doing whatever Barnaby does and Peter Dutton was too busy pretending to be making a GoFundMe for his own electorate instead of telling treasury he’s gonna need a fuck load of money to help with the recovery effort.

However, with Morrison and Joyce now going down with self-inflicted ailments, Peter Dutton has been forced to come up with his own reason to avoid the job he wants more than anything in the world – when there isn’t an actual crisis that needs managing.

“Look, desperate times call for desperate measures,” explained Dutton, who despite agitating to become Prime Minister to satisfy his rampant ego, is now waiting until after all this shit dies down to become the leader of his party.

“Obviously I’m not going to go and fight, I avoid actual conflict at all costs,” he laughed.

“I’m a behind-the-scenes operator. But I’m all dressed up and I’ll get on a plane and get stopped at some airport and then sent home, hopefully when all the rains stopped.”

“But everyone will think I’m a fighter, won’t they.”

“Chess not checkers.”


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