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A popular farmer’s son has laughed off suggestions that his family’s cotton farm in Northern NSW is partially responsible for one of the most catastrophic environmental declines in recorded history.

Peter Cruikshank, of Brewarrina, is currently taking time out to relax in Sydney this week ahead of his second year of university study in the Harbour Capital kicking off later this month.

Aside from having his Holden SV6 ute, a 17th birthday present, serviced on his father’s dealership account, any downtime the 23-year-old has is often filled with beers – with the boys.

So on this idle Wednesday afternoon, he put the feelers out to his fellow back-to-front-cap-button-up-shirt-Bermuda-short-wearing-boat-shoe-mafia friends to see who was about for a beer.

They gathered for a long lunch today in Bondi, home to Slammin’ Jim Packer and every other reason why there’s a royal commission into the banking sector.

“Ever since those Four Corners fuck heads did that story about the cotton farmers pinching water, all my mates, even my country mates, all put shit on me for it,” said Peter, hat backwards with a rapidly burning forehead.

“There’s nothing wrong with the Darling River, it’s just going through a correction. The idea that cotton farmers are having an impact on it is stupid and goes against science. We only have 600 ha under irrigation, that’s nothing,”

“Some people have like twice as much. Plus people in the city don’t know what it’s like to have your income depend wholly on Mother Nature. She can be a serious cow sometimes, she can. Anyway, go see the river for yourself. You’ll see it’s just ABC propaganda,”

“That viral video of those sooks out the far south-west is fake. Murray Cod only live to be 80 anyway. They’re made out of paper mache.”

Before he hung up on our reporter, he declined the offer of a Carlton in favour of a Stella, saying he’s trying to keep fit for the upcoming rugby union season.

More to come.


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