ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man has been denied membership to The Betoota Club, prompting him to complain about the female-only bar inside an art museum in Tasmania.

Nestled discreetly within the Old City District, The Betoota Club stands as an icon of old-world charm and prestige, akin to The Australian Club in Sydney. With its distinguished members hailing from Betoota’s elite circles, The Betoota Club provides a refined setting for intellectual exchanges and networking among old money families. The Club is renowned for its Betootian Grove parties, where influential figures from various industries gather for secretive and exclusive retreats. These events, held amidst the gidgee and gibber stones, blend intellectual discussions with leisure activities, creating a unique environment for camaraderie and collaboration among the global elite.

Earlier this year, 24-year-old Betooa Heights man Darcy Sturrock emailed the Club’s contact page to inquire about membership.

“I was outraged when I read about this lady’s only bar opening up in an art gallery in Tasmania,” said the mid-career waterproofer.

“True, I would never go to an art gallery and I have no reason to ever go to Tasmania. Still, the concept of it boiled my piss.”

In his own words, Darcy explained graphically and inappropriately that he’s not one to sit on his hands then play with himself, he’s a man of action.

“I thought, ‘If they can have their own space, so can men. Play by their rules, right?’ so I googled men’s only clubs and started applying.”

Darcy said he applied to his local Lad’s Society Club. The Club is a far-right, white nationalist, Islamophobic extremist group founded by several former members of the United Patriots Front (UPF).

“They were a bit too much, even for me,” Darcy admitted.

“I’m all for a bit of toxic masculinity and jokes but those guys are fucking crazy. They wanted me to fight a guy with ‘Death to Pigs’ across his throat. I wasn’t reversed so it looks back to front. That wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m also not very racist. Actually, I wouldn’t say I’m racist at all and I think that was a deal breaker for them,”

“So I contacted the only other one in town. The Betoota Club. That sounded much more up my alley. Dining rooms, smoking rooms, thoughtful speaking events and other intelligent men from a very particular set,”

“But they knocked me back.”

The editor of this masthead, Dr Clancy Overell OAM, is a long-standing member of The Betoota Club and provided comment to our reporter regarding Mr Sturrock’s application.

“Yeah, you don’t join through the front door like that,” he said.

“You’re invited and anyone of us can blackball a prospective member. They put the names up in the entrance and anyone can put a line through a name with impunity. This big chungus isn’t from the right family and with the greatest respect, a peasant, so it goes without saying.”

More to come.


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