ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights man has come to the conclusion, on his own, that a load of washing isn’t what the machine’s manufacturer recommends, it’s how much one can fit in the machine.

Washing like colours is also optional for Blake Doherty, he suggested to our reporter that washing whites separately is just a ploy by big washing powder to make consumers use more.

Which is why this morning, Blake put a load on that would make anyone with a functional brain cringe and wince.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Mr Doherty’s defacto life partner Nevaeh Regent said he’s got some explaining to do when he gets back from work this evening.

“He’s put white t-shirts in with the towels,” he said.

“Then, when it looked like nothing else could possibly fit, he got my sports bras and bent the laws of physics to get them in the machine. I can only imagine the noise it made on the spin cycle. When the machine inevitably breaks, he’ll turn around and say the machine is poor quality. He’s put 15kg of clothes into something that can hardly wash 10,”

“I don’t know how he’s got this far through life thinking doing washing like this is OK.”

Our reporter spoke to Blake this afternoon about his washing talent and he surprisingly was quite candid in his admissions.

He said he knows what he’s doing is wrong but due to a number of mitigating factors, he said “it is what it is”.

“Oh man, that washing machine is a piece of shit,” he said.

“It takes fucking ages to wash anything and when it does, it hardly washes it at all. I might as well put my dirty clothes on and go treat water in the dam for 20 minutes. That’s all the machine does to it. I know I overload the thing but fuck me, what else and I supposed to do?”

“If I washed them all as the label suggested, I’d be manning the machine until Christmas. That’s no joke. I’ve got stuff to do, people to see.”

More to come.


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