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Down-on-his-luck tech billionaire Bill Gates has reportedly cemented his new-found status as a divorced single-dad by bashing the fuck out of some guy he thought was touching his crab pots off the Sunshine Coast community of Caloundra.

Mr Gates alleges he saw the man navigate over to his crab pots shortly before 4pm this afternoon and raise them up onto his 8 foot Quintrex before empting the contents into an esky.

When the American businessman returned, there was nothing in the pots.

He spoke somewhat candidly to The Advocate a short time ago via telephone where he said “the cunt” didn’t even leave him a six-pack for his troubles.

“It’s not on, mate,” he said very loudly.

“I fucken saw him do it. He didn’t leave me anything, either. Like fuck, I’ve got a lot of shit going on in my life right now and yeah maybe cunt some of it might’ve boiled over and manifested itself in me bashing the fuck out of that guy at the boatramp but mate, you have to understand just how fucken wild that makes me, stealing fucken crabs from some cunt,”

“Yeah, I might’ve done better than most blokes in life but that doesn’t mean you can just take my fucking crabs, cunt, I still have mouths to feed.”

Queensland Police say they are looking for a man of North American appearance aged in his sixties who was last seen wearing a blood-spattered Iron Jack fishing shirt.

More to come.

Police are urging anyone with information in relation to this incident to call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or use the Crime Stoppers online reporting page:

Police remind people they should not report crime information via their Facebook and Twitter pages.


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