Nation's Struggling Mums Pull Their Fingers Out After Learning That Pauline Hanson Didn't Need Childcare In 1980s Ipswich
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT JUST FIGURE IT OUT: The female voters of middle Australia, who make up the voting block
World News
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Dutton Frantically Tries To Redirect Parcel Of Tanks To Ukraine As Putin Gets The Party Started
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Defence Minister Peter Dutton is frantically trying to redirect a parcel of new tanks
Dutton Forced To Apologise To China After Revelations That Chayce From Cairns Was Responsible For Laser Pointing
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation’s Defence Minister has had to consume a little bit of humble pie today.
Report: Can You Please Settle Down Cunt
The whole world is today united in their request for President Vladmir Putin to settle down cunt, as the biggest
South Betoota Newsagency On Standby To Update Maps of Russia
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT As the world furiously sweats over the possibility of a full-scale war erupting
Channel 9 Fly Gus Gould Over To Western Ukraine To Do Special Opening Monologue For World War 3
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some exciting news from the Eastern European nation of Ukraine – Gus Gould is in the
Entire World Wondering If Pete Davidson Is One Of Those Skinny Whiteboys That Can Throw Hands
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT What started as an unexpected celebrity romance, has since turned into a historic moment in American
Foreign Minister Asks Russia If They Can Hold Up With The Tanks For A Few Decades Until Our Subs Arrive
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Pro-western Ukrainians are breathing a sigh of relief today after our very own Foreign Minister
Cinema Screening Of New Jackass Movie Just Doesn’t Feel As Authentic As A Burned CD-R On VLC
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After 12-year hiatus, the fourth instalment in the Jackass movie franchise has nabbed the number
100,000 Russian Troops Withdraw From Ukrainian Border After Western Leaders Voice Concerns
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world has breathed a collective sigh of relief today, with Russia finally backing down from
Pete Davidson’s Purple Patch Continues As US Comedian Papped Holding Hands With Gina Rinehart
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Gossip columnists are in a frenzy this afternoon after some sensational images have surfaced online. Popping
Deporting World’s Best Tennis Players Fails To Resolve Australia’s Drastic Fresh Food Shortages
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia is once again at the centre of global headlines, after our previously unknown Immigration minister
Kevin Costner Finally Forgiven For Waterworld
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hollywood boomer sex icon Kevin Costner has been forgiven for all of his sins in the