The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local youth Taylor McGregor (25) penned a venomous Facebook status today stating ‘this government is bloody hopeless’ while he made his way home on foot, as his learner’s license to expired over a year ago. With aspirations to one day get his provisional license and make a run at a diploma, McGregor states the inflated...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local idiot who has found himself back at his parent's house has rediscovered the extremely stressful predicament of having a family member burst into his room at any given moment. The fact that his mum could come rolling in with the laundry basket as late as 10:00pm has made life very difficult for the 28-year-old named Jack, who...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Betoota Dolphins Reserve Grade halfback has done his best to look physically intimidating while running out onto the field last weekend. The young half for the dolphins Jasper Horder (21) is a stereotypical number 7. Smaller than all of his teammates, better looking than most and diagnosed with ‘little man syndrome,’ the arrogant playmaker trotted through the tunnel like...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent local master builder has sent his 17-year-old apprentice home early today after watching him eat a cold quiche for smoko. Visibly shaken by the ordeal, McCarthur Projects owner Miles Hanford said he couldn't believe his eyes when offsider Jason Moulin hooked into the eggy treat. "I mean, he already drives an automatic Falcon ute....

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Penny (6) and her twin brothers Tom and Roddy have today learnt some new grown-up words after their beloved dad, Ryan, had a mishap in the living room. After rushing to the street to take the bins out in time for the council pick up, dad was trudging back to the kitchen to make sure he hadn't burnt their...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The current trend of inner-city creatives and university hipsters tucking in plain t-shirts to their stretch jeans, paired with Blundstone boots, has resulted in a lot of confusion for ex-cons roaming around our nation's cities, it has been confirmed. The new fashion, which is reminiscent of old blokes just released from Long Bay or Pentridge Gaol in the...

CORBIN DANIELS | Crime | Contact With his ponytail flapping playfully in the warm desert breeze last night, a mildly unpopular accountant threw caution to the wind and followed his friends from one suburban pub to a famous inner Betoota nitespot. Admitting to our reporter this morning on the D45 bus from the French Quarter up the hill to Betoota Heights, Boris...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact If you are a giant profit-driven multinational business with a complex company structure, there's some good news coming your way this week. The Australian Taxation Office has revealed that for the umpteenth year in a row, huge companies that can afford to 'minimise their tax' will be able to get away with it - again. That's right, if...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The residents of Lower Holland Street in Betoota Hills were woken this morning by a very loud and public F-bomb as one sharehouse patriarch realised the bins didn't go out - again. Damien Crozier, a French Quarter bartender, was said to be livid with his two other housemates, Julia Cartwright and Molly Sharbel, after he trusted...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A growing number of Australians to not want to get jabbed, according to a new survey released today. Nearly all Australians who are hesitant to get cured of the Melbourne Mumps have said they don't want it because they don't trust the bi-pedal, neckless pigs that trot the halls of Parliament House in Canberra. Our reporter...